i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this is an emotional support booty call
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
