I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize