I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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