Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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