Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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