My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
