Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
