It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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