you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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