I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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