Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
