Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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