Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Found your dick twin last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
