I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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