Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
