My liver just broke up with me...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
