Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
