I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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