dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
