Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
