she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
