Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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