I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
