I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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