I saw his package. It spoke to me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
