So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
