I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
