every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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