Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
