I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
