I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
