Your dad touched me again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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