i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
