singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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