I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
