He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
