a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
