Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
