So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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