Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
