If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
