We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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