O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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