So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
