so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
