You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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