Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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