apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
