Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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