I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
