I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
