guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
