Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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