Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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