when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
