Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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