you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
