So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
