sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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