she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
