and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
