tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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