I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
