Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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