I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
