I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
