im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
