I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
