Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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