Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
