you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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