I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
