I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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