i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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