He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
