sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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