Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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