only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
